Recently in Humor Category
Funny thing is, I've been waiting for this headline to show up eventually:
No, I'm not knocking Meals on Wheels, I know they do some good things. But that headline nears perfection in victimhood, and that doesn't happen every day...
She was campaigning at a whiskey maker, and the article acknowledges that fact. But the accompanying pictures don't help:
I wouldn't be surprised if this gets pick up by the tabloids.
Mostly funny, except the parts about Obama having ethical standards and not playing the race card, both of which we know aren't true. Especially funny is the part about the superdelegates choosing the candidate and not the people, since it is true. Selected, not elected, folks. Thanks to SNL for rubbing it in for my lefty-lemming friends:
(Note - LB and TB are (pick one) spending time with the kids, arguing, forgot to pay the internet bill, or on a bender. They'll be back after they (pick one) get the kids in bed, make up, sell another pint of blood, or sober up. Until then, please enjoy this classic DGiTL post from mid-2006.)
We here at DGiTL have received tons of email lamenting that some our loyal readership were unable to participate in sea turtle season because it was on the west coast. Well, pout no more, because now there's an important special sporting event on the east coast! Starting in just a few weeks, may I present:
Manatee Season!
What's that? They're endangered? Not any more, according to AP/WaPo:
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - The state wildlife commission has voted to take the manatee off Florida's endangered species list, saying the animal's population is on the rebound.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission voted unanimously Wednesday to designate the manatee as a threatened species rather than endangered. It also voted to remove the bald eagle from its list of threatened species.
Yes, that's right - authorities have determined that the manatee's population has more than doubled in recent years. Avid deer hunters know what this means - if the herds don't get thinned out, we're headed for an environmental disaster of biblical proportions! So to prevent disease and starvation, it's up to us, the sportsman community, to help out.
Know Thine Enemy
One of the earth's oldest species, the manatee didn't represent a threat to man until Florida and the Carribean saw European settlers. Widespread shipping (and the occasional sunbather) rapidly became the targets of this vicious beast. As represented in the following eighteenth-century drawings, the manatee exacted a terrible toll from mariners:
A manatee bears down on a distressed ship
Manatees pick off the survivors of a sinking ship
A pair of manatees preparing to capsize a lifeboat
Manatees ceased being a significant threat to shipping upon the advent of steam ships, which were able to outrun the deadly creatures. Nowadays, manatees are just seen as an expensive nuisance - many a boat owner has cursed a ruined prop caused by the malicious and crafty creatures.
So Lets Go Fishing!
Well, not exactly. When Congress outlawed the use of beagles as bait in 1873, deep sea fishing techniques became ineffective for hunting manatees - they just won't strike at anything else. Fortunately, there are a variety of fun methods to bag the big one this summer, and I'll show you a couple of my favorites:
Spearfishing
Spearfishing is a fun way to combine scuba diving and snorkling with fishing. And todays' spearguns are every bit as powerful and accurate as they were when Lloyd Bridges popularized their use in the TV series "Sea Hunt" as shown in the left photo below. Later during the show's three year run (1958-1961), Lloyd changed to a machine gun (below right). However, we at DGiTL consider this to be unsporting and recommend the tried and true speargun instead.
Using the speargun is as easy as it is fun. In the following picture, Tim distracts the manatee while Larry (out of camera view) closes in for the kill:
Wrestling
Manatee wrestling is the most challenging method, but by far the most rewarding. Due to the size and strength of these dangerous animals, this is primarily a group sport. In the following photo, we see Jake applying a half-nelson as his buddies help out. A sizable crowd of hungry onlookers is on hand - they know there's going to be a beach party tonight!
Note the empty scabbard in the foreground. Once Jake is finished testing his mettle against this powerful beast, one of his pals is sure to apply a shiv between the ribs! Remember, hunters - a clean kill is a humane one. Always respect nature!
Don't Go Yet - There's A Surprise!
I know that by now you're iching to aim the Winnebago at Florida and fire up that grill, but wait - hunting is a family sport. And although the young 'uns can't wrestle a manatee, DGiTL has generously provided a way the kids can participate.
All kids love to draw and color, so here's a picture for them (click for larger printable version) to use their artistic skills with:
My own kids have already joined in on the excitment. My youngest lives for food and can't wait to take that first satisfying bite of manatee, so her drawing shows how she wants hers prepared (click for larger image):
My oldest is somewhat more civic-minded. Rather than show her own culinary fantasy, she chose to draw something that no sportsman should be without - a meat-cutting chart!
But wait, there's more! Scan your kids drawings and email them to DGiTL and we'll post them online. Imagine the pride in having your child's drawing about family food, fun and good times on the web for the whole world to see!
So keep them emails coming, and hunt safely!
Happy Hunting!
Via AP/Yahoo:
ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Police fired tear gas and clubbed thousands of lawyers protesting President Gen. Pervez Musharraf's decision to impose emergency rule, as Western allies threatened to review aid to the troubled Muslim nation.
If that happened over here folks would be cheering.
Just sayin'.
While panning provocative costumes for kids (a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with), Glenn Reynolds weighs in with this statement which appears to approve of slutty wear for adult women:
"I'm okay on slutty, but not for 9-year-olds."
This begs the question: Isn't it about time for another sweeps week? Your fans need pictorial examples.
We here at DGiTL have received tons of email lamenting that some our loyal readership were unable to participate in sea turtle season because it was on the west coast. Well, pout no more, because now there's an important special sporting event on the east coast! Starting in just a few weeks, may I present:
Manatee Season!
What's that? They're endangered? Not any more, according to AP/Yahoo:
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - The state wildlife commission has voted to take the manatee off Florida's endangered species list, saying the animal's population is on the rebound.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission voted unanimously Wednesday to designate the manatee as a threatened species rather than endangered. It also voted to remove the bald eagle from its list of threatened species.
Yes, that's right - authorities have determined that the manatee's population has more than doubled in recent years. Avid deer hunters know what this means - if the herds don't get thinned out, we're headed for an environmental disaster of biblical proportions! So to prevent disease and starvation, it's up to us, the sportsman community, to help out.
Know Thine Enemy
One of the earth's oldest species, the manatee didn't represent a threat to man until Florida and the Carribean saw European settlers. Widespread shipping (and the occasional sunbather) rapidly became the targets of this vicious beast. As represented in the following eighteenth-century drawings, the manatee exacted a terrible toll from mariners:
A manatee bears down on a distressed ship
Manatees pick off the survivors of a sinking ship
A pair of manatees preparing to capsize a lifeboat
Manatees ceased being a significant threat to shipping upon the advent of steam ships, which were able to outrun the deadly creatures. Nowadays, manatees are just seen as an expensive nuisance - many a boat owner has cursed a ruined prop caused by the malicious and crafty creatures.
So Lets Go Fishing!
Well, not exactly. When Congress outlawed the use of beagles as bait in 1873, deep sea fishing techniques became ineffective for hunting manatees - they just won't strike at anything else. Fortunately, there are a variety of fun methods to bag the big one this summer, and I'll show you a couple of my favorites:
Spearfishing
Spearfishing is a fun way to combine scuba diving and snorkling with fishing. And todays' spearguns are every bit as powerful and accurate as they were when Lloyd Bridges popularized their use in the TV series "Sea Hunt" as shown in the left photo below. Later during the show's three year run (1958-1961), Lloyd changed to a machine gun (below right). However, we at DGiTL consider this to be unsporting and recommend the tried and true speargun instead.
Using the speargun is as easy as it is fun. In the following picture, Tim distracts the manatee while Larry (out of camera view) closes in for the kill:
Wrestling
Manatee wrestling is the most challenging method, but by far the most rewarding. Due to the size and strength of these dangerous animals, this is primarily a group sport. In the following photo, we see Jake applying a half-nelson as his buddies help out. A sizable crowd of hungry onlookers is on hand - they know there's going to be a beach party tonight!
Note the empty scabbard in the foreground. Once Jake is finished testing his mettle against this powerful beast, one of his pals is sure to apply a shiv between the ribs! Remember, hunters - a clean kill is a humane one. Always respect nature!
Don't Go Yet - There's A Surprise!
I know that by now you're iching to aim the Winnebago at Florida and fire up that grill, but wait - hunting is a family sport. And although the young 'uns can't wrestle a manatee, DGiTL has generously provided a way the kids can participate.
All kids love to draw and color, so here's a picture for them (click for larger printable version) to use their artistic skills with:
My own kids have already joined in on the excitment. My youngest lives for food and can't wait to take that first satisfying bite of manatee, so her drawing shows how she wants hers prepared (click for larger image):
My oldest is somewhat more civic-minded. Rather than show her own culinary fantasy, she chose to draw something that no sportsman should be without - a meat-cutting chart!
But wait, there's more! Scan your kids drawings and email them to DGiTL and we'll post them online. Imagine the pride in having your child's drawing about family food, fun and good times on the web for the whole world to see!
So keep them emails coming, and hunt safely!
Happy Hunting!
Linked with Wizbang!
Via Girl on the Right, we learn that PETA has a Q & A section on their website. And Potfry is asking the tough questions, although answers are a little slow in coming:
"We're still waiting for replies to the questions we submitted..."
Go check it out at Potfry.
Hey - Maybe I should ask PETA for some recipes - after all, I've got tons of sea turtle in the freezer, and I'm getting really tired of soup...
A friend emailed this to me - I guess it's making the rounds...
Bird Flu strikes Florida
Distubing photo of canage caused by this outbreak below the fold...
Yesterday I reported on the possible anti-male merchandising policy at Hot Air. Today I decided to followup on this terrible injustice. There's a post by AllahPundit labeled "Site Business", but no mention of the most important issue facing the fledgling website.
And I still haven't received a reply from Hot Air staff. In hopes that this situation had been resolved (and they just neglected to notify me), I checked the Hot Air Gear portal hoping to find men's t-shirts available. Still not there. But wait - it gets worse...
They removed all the t-shirts! Even the womens' shirts!
Not only am I denied a t-shirt, but my beloved wife (TB) is as well!
I feel oppressed.
Everyone reading this should let the folks at Hot Air know that no matter how terrific the content of the actual site itself is (and it really is), if they can't get the merchandising right they're doomed. That's right - DOOMED.
In the meantime, what do you do if you want to sport the hottest new web logo? There's only one solution to this dilemma - and it's below the fold:
Via InstaPundit, I checked out Michelle Malkin's new venture, Hot Air. What a terrific idea - looks like something I'll be visiting regularly. Looks like others think so, too.
Deciding to show my enthusiasm for the new site (with its dynamite logo), I slip over to their CafePress portal for official Hot Air gear. Summer's coming, I thought. Another t-shirt for the collection... But alas, I won't be adding to my closet today.
Why not, you ask?
Oh, the humanity! All the women will soon be adorned with the hip new gear of the summer, and the men get left out in the cold. Darn it, I can't go to the park wearing a refrigerator magnet!
So c'mon, Michelle - give the guys a break, OK?
Update (1:46 PM EST 24APR06): Of course I emailed Michelle Malkin and Bryan Preston within minutes after posting this. After all, it could have been an oversight that excluded much of Hot Air's demographic from the opportunity to conduct meaningful commerce at their gear site.
After 3 hours, unfortunately no answer from either. And worse, it looks like my trackback was denied! Here
is a screenshot showing the successful trackback to one of Hot Air's posts. But go to that post, and it's not there (Here's a screenshot just in case). Note that the last three trackbacks shown were made after mine!
Lord knows I'm not one to foster conspiracy theories, but it's starting to look a little suspicious. Could it be that this is a coverup of Hot Air's anti-male merchandising policies? And what about Bryan Preston? Why would he go along with it? You'd think he would address this egregious injustice. Hmmm?
Update 2 (3:00 PM EST 24APR06): My Trackback now appears. But there's STILL NO MEN'S T-SHIRTS! C'mon, Hot Air staff, help conservative men everywhere! Think about it - lots of us are old and overweight. Do you really want to see us at the beach wearing nothing but a Hot Air Bumper Sticker (even though it is UV resistant)?
We all know that hunting and fishing are the ultimate sports - the embodiment of the struggle of man vs. nature. But with all the animal rights wackos getting in the way, afficionados of these noble sports have been limited to a few select species. Well, get ready, 'cause there's good news today:
Federal fish managers are proposing to relax rules designed to protect endangered leatherback sea turtles and allow some fishing off the West Coast under strict government supervision.
The changes, which must obtain final approval from the National Marine Fisheries Service, would open up drift gillnet fishing off the California and Oregon coasts from south of Monterey, Calif., to just north of Newport, Ore.
These gillnets are used to fish for swordfish. And swordfish are good eatin', too! Bonus!
The market for swordfish in the United States is strong, fishermen said. Without a loosening of the restrictions, imports will dominate the market leaving the species at greater risk because of the lack of regulations and higher turtle-population density in other countries, fisherman Pete Dupuy said.
And it saves American jobs.
Loose limits means lots of turtle stew:
Under the proposed changes, all fishing would be done under the eyes of government observers, who would track the number of turtles caught. The fishery would be closed if two turtles were caught.
According to research reports, the nets could also snare other protected mammals. Under the proposal, if one sperm, grey, short-finned pilot, fin, humpback or minke whale were killed or seriously injured, the swordfish fishery would be closed.
The number of sets — the number of times a fishing vessel can put out its nets — was set at 300.
If I'm reading this right, you can legally bag up to 600 turtles a year - enough so you can serve turtle at block parties, special events, holidays, whenever! Imagine the your dinner guest's happy surprise when you present the main course:
Me, I'm looking forward to decorating my den with trophy photos:
Why, even Glenn Reynolds might give up puppies for this...
I'm considering applying for one of those government art grants to fund a series of sculptures celebrating nature's bounty made entirely of turtle shells. That'll help get rid of leftovers...
Happy Hunting!
That's the name of the "water dog" in Sen. Kennedy's new book for children:
NEW YORK - Meet the latest children's author, Sen. Ted Kennedy, and his Portuguese Water Dog, Splash, his co-protagonist in "My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C."
Scholastic Inc. will release the book in May.
"I am very excited about the opportunity to create a book for young readers and their families that will deepen their understanding of how our American government works," Kennedy said in a statement Monday issued by Scholastic.
So Teddy is going to show kids how government works using a water dog named Splash? This could only be better if he dedicates the book to Mary Jo Kopechne.
Ted Kennedy's book is 56 pages and includes illustrations by David Small, winner of the 2001 Caldecott Medal for his pictures in Judith St. George's "So You Want to Be President?"
Here's the cover:
In early September, the winning design for the Flight 93 memorial sparked a firestorm of controversy in the blogosphere due to the design's obvious similarity to islamic symbolism. Although letter writing campaigns elicited a somewhat vague promise to "make alterations" to the design, recently some concerned citizens have expressed dismay at the lack of action from the Flight 93 Advisory Commission, suggesting that the promises were only lip service.
Well, DGITL has good news for those rightfully concerned citizens! We have intercepted a preliminary press release for the Flight 93 Memorial (below the fold):
